Archives for October 2017

A Farm Girl’s “Ode to Autumn”

October 31, 2017 By Angie Arms McGill

Ode to Autumn, Fall, leaves When the trees on our farm begin to coax themselves to sleep, the rural landscape comes alive with the beautiful colors of the fallen leaves, and this Farm Girl finds herself in a state of peaceful bliss.

The abundance of the leaves doesn’t conjure, yet, that necessary time when the vibrant hues of red, orange, yellow, and purple of birch, elm, maple, and oak near the house must be corralled.

If only for “tidiness,” that day will come.

But not today.

Today is a “basking” day.

“Autumn is a second spring. When every leaf is a flower.”

— Albert Camus

Basking in the Sunshine

Today, the puppies and I bask in the glory of a perfect Autumn day in East Tennessee.

Zeus, my Great Pyr and always on guard, sits quietly and majestically next to me on a mound of grass that overlooks his domain. Always at work, his eyes survey the property and what lies beyond.

But even he is not immune to the quiet stillness of the gentle breeze and the warm sunshine beaming down.

With a gentle slap of his paw on my forearm, he invites me to pet him, to show him love. As I massage his ears and head, his eyes squint a little, but he remains focused on his task.

When I stop, he gently slaps me again, not wanting the pleasure to end. I understand how he feels.

I feel especially loved by God today.

I imagine a day like today is something akin to what Heaven will be like: the warmness of the Son, perhaps a gentle breeze, and a peaceful stillness — everything perfect.

Autumn Season

In the distance, I watch as another bundle of white fur tumbles over and over in the grass, legs kicking high.

Xena, my other Great Pyr, is “basking” too.

Her fur is covered with tiny fragments of the various hues of the fallen leaves; her white coat becomes a canvas for a collage of multi-colored leaf fragments, a happenstance “painting” of nature’s beauty.

In the distance beyond the fence into the woods, we can hear the crunching of leaves underfoot from squirrels eagerly working to store acorns for the winter.

As the dogs’ interests are piqued, my mind wanders to a time when I, as a single woman, lived in a subdivision.

I recall the pressure I felt to maintain a pristine lawn because I didn’t want the neighbors to complain or the “association” to leave me a warning about my “unmanicured” lawn.

Back then, Autumn leaves were an “annoyance,” a bother — something to be done away with — quickly and efficiently.

Thinking back, I realized I spent 16 Autumns there, a place I dearly loved, but where I don’t remember the color of the leaves or even much about the trees from which they fell. Autumn, Fall, leaves

It’s funny how we allow ourselves to be colored by external expectations of perfection.

But today…today is different.

Xena stands up, looks in my direction, and shakes off what remains of nature’s painting.

She runs toward me, stops, lays her head in my lap, and rolls over, hoping for a belly rub.

I think about how blessed I am to be here on this beautiful farm with my hubby and dogs.

And for just a little while longer, we sit.

Basking in God’s love for us and for each other, and for the incredible beauty of the Autumn season He created.

leaves, autumn, Fall

12 Top Tips of ‘Do’s’ that Will Help Your Marriage Flourish

October 27, 2017 By Angie Arms McGill

Today, in honor of our 12th wedding anniversary, my hubby and I are sharing our “12 Top Tips of ‘Do’s’ that Will Help Your Marriage Flourish.”

Tuesday, we contributed our “12 Top Tips of ‘Don’t Do’s’ to Help Your Marriage Flourish.”

If you find kindred ground in either of these posts or want to share some of your own tips, please provide them in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

Here are our “12 Top ‘Do’s:”

1. Do Make Christ the Center of Your Marriage.

A biblically based marriage keeps Christ as the head of the marriage between a man and a woman, a relationship intended to reflect the image of God:

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

The truest picture of marriage is that it symbolizes the love of Christ for us. And His desire for us all is that we be made more into the image of Himself.

We believe God blesses marriage as we strive to live according to biblical principles and truths. The biblical concept of marriage involves a oneness between a husband and wife that mirrors the oneness of Christ with His church.

2. Do Make Your Spouse a Priority.

Always put your spouse first, after God. One day the kids are going to move away, and you don’t want to find yourself living with a stranger.

Make the effort to invest in your marriage by spending quality time together.

What that means for you as a couple may be as simple as revisiting activities you did when you first started dating: going for a hike, going to a movie, going out to dinner, or just having fun sitting out on the porch swing together.

Quality time spent together, where your spouse feels loved and connected, need not cost a lot of money.

And it is invaluable to your marriage.

3. Do Respect One Another.

When you show respect for your spouse, you are demonstrating that you value them as a person. A key factor in a healthy marriage is focused listening and being open to your spouse’s point-of-view.

When your spouse is talking with you, it’s important to look your spouse in the eye showing that you are paying attention.

Also, do not interrupt them. Allow them to share their heart, even when what they are saying may be difficult to hear.

“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners.” — Laurence Stone

4. Do Treat Each Other as Best Friends.

Best friends share a common bond and communicate often and well. They are vulnerable, are comfortable sharing their innermost thoughts and needs, and are good listeners.

Practice good, ongoing communication with your spouse, and you may soon discover your spouse is your best friend!

Know what else is important?

Best friends have “each other’s back.” You look out for one another and support each other — in good times and bad.

If there are hard truths to be said, these must always be shared in a spirit of love and kindness.

5. Do Compliment Each Other.

We’re not suggesting that you provide insincere “flattery” or compliments that you don’t mean.

We’re talking about the daily opportunities where you can say “thank you” for the little things your spouse does.

It may be as simple as thanking your spouse for cooking your favorite dish, cleaning up around the house, remembering to close the cabinet door, or to put the cap back on the toothpaste.

Or as simple as “You really did a nice thing by (fill-in-the-blank),” and “I appreciate your thoughtfulness.”

6. Do Something Fun Together Daily.

Having fun with your spouse every day should not be viewed as a frivolous luxury resigned to a fortunate few. Playing and laughing together is not just for kids and friends — it’s for married couples too!

Plan fun things to do together. Going on a spontaneous, overnight trip can be lots of fun or, if you’re on a tight budget, choose some place close instead.

Simple excursions such as a picnic, going for an ice cream or for a walk in a park are also delightful ideas.

Going out into nature is always a plus; it helps us relax, helps diminish any lingering stress we have, and allows us to appreciate the beautiful world God has created.

Rick and I also enjoy going to bookstores and having coffee while we peruse the latest books on sale. The county library is also a good option for those on a strict budget.

Whatever you decide, the key is to enjoy your time together.

7. Do Something Meaningful Together.

It’s an old cliche to “live like this day might be your last,” but contained within this platitude is wisdom that we are mortal beings. There are only so many days assigned to us, so we need to make the best of it.

We want our lives to count — to have purpose — to have meaning beyond ourselves.

How can we accomplish something meaningful together with our spouses?

Here’s a few of our ideas:

Find some way to serve together and do it wholeheartedly. Your service could be for a church, a school, a civic club, foster home, etc. Make a difference in the lives of those you are serving by sharing your talents and gifts.
Take a pie, cake, or cookies to a different neighbor every week and visit with them. Tell them how much you enjoy and appreciate them. If your relationship with your neighbor is strained, go and make peace. Try to forge a new and pleasant relationship.
Share your spiritual journey and spiritual legacy with your family and friends. Talk about memories and important events in your life. Above all else, teach your children and the spiritually lost about your faith and the reason for it.

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” — 3 John 1:4 (NIV)*

8. Do Pray Together.

Praying together regularly can be a significant bonding experience for you and your spouse, particularly if you’re willing to be vulnerable with each other.

Know what might surprise you?

In an article entitled, “The Data Don’t Lie: Couples that Pray Together Actually Do Stay Together,” for Christianity Today Magazine, Morgan Lee reports from his interview with W. Bradford Wilcox that, “the best religious predictor of being happy in a relationship is praying together as a couple.”

Being emotionally intimate means opening up, not only to God, but to your spouse about your greatest needs and concerns.

9. Do Get Enough “Zzzzs.”

We all need our sleep.

With a big yawn (excuse me), I confess that when I don’t get enough sleep, I get “cranky.”

Naps are a good remedy, short ones about 10-15 minutes, or sometimes if I’m feeling draggy and sleep-deprived, a good snooze can last 1 to 2 hours. Those times are rare and are usually reserved for some lazy Sunday afternoons.

After waking, though, I’ve noticed how my mood improves and how much more energy I have.

An article entitled, “Marriage Linked with Better Sleep,” by Tara Parker-Pope, in the New York Times, reported on two studies that suggest that sleep and relationship happiness are closely correlated.

Getting enough quality sleep may actually help solve conflict-related issues in your relationship; couples are encouraged to resolve problems before bedtime, and to avoid discussing “hot button” topics if either person has not slept well.

10. Do Take Care of your Appearance.

Recently, I tossed out a pair of my favorite lounge pajamas. They were soft (with the warm, fuzzy fleece on the inside), stretchy and comfy. And they had “Tweety” on them.

Yes, I’m a Tweety bird fan.

My hubby is not…at least of my PJ variety. The PJs were a little over the top, and I finally realized my husband was right.

“I taut I could wear them just about anywhere, but I taut wrong.” 🙄

Appearance does matter, and its important that we can be honest with each other without being offended.

11. Do Practice Forgiveness.

We are all flawed. Because we are flawed, we must be willing to forgive.

We say things we don’t mean, or fail to say things that need to be said. We make mistakes — some more grievous than others.

Because none of us is perfect, we need to forgive and be forgiven.

The simple truth is that for any true relationship to last, forgiveness must be practiced. Marriage is no exception.

Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are denying the wrong done to you or the other person’s responsibility for hurting you.

Forgiveness allows you to forgive the person and to get on with your life.

12. Do Reminisce About Shared Experiences and/or Events.

Make a conscious effort to reminisce about pleasurable experiences that you and your spouse shared together.

Recalling special times spent together strengthens your relationship as you reawaken positive feelings connected to those experiences.

God wants you to celebrate your marriage.

Each anniversary is a reminder of His love for us and for each other.

Happy Anniversary Rick!

12 Top Tips of “Don’t Do’s” that Will Help Your Marriage Flourish

October 24, 2017 By Angie Arms McGill

marriage, Don't Do's In just a few days on Friday, October 27, my hubby and I will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary.

And although we recognize that 12 years is not a lifetime, we want to share with you our top 12 tips of ‘Don’t Do’s’ that have helped our marriage flourish:

1. Don’t Make your Spouse or Your Marriage an Idol.

Anything or anyone that takes the rightful place of our Lord in our lives is an idol. And if we’re not careful, we can make our spouse or our marriage an idol.

In her post entitled, “Don’t Let Your Marriage Become Your Idol,” Sheila Gregoire reinforces the truth that our purpose “is to glorify God in our everyday life. And when we do that we will end up loving our husbands more.”

The emphasis, however, has to be on serving God and His purpose for our lives — not force-fitting God into our plans, no matter how well-intentioned our actions may be.

2. Don’t try to Change your Spouse.

If we’re honest with ourselves, some of the “quirks” or oddities that we considered endearing when we were dating can become annoyances in our marriage.

Remember that this is the person you have chosen to love — not to fix. Regardless of these little annoyances.

Besides, each one of us has our own little idiosyncracies.

3. Don’t set Yourself up as Judge and Jury.

Two imperfect people need to look to Jesus as their Savior and God, the Father, as their ultimate judge.

If a man or woman usurps this role in the marriage, trouble lies ahead.

4. Don’t Compete with your Spouse.

So many couples appear to “jockey” for power or position in their marriage relationship.

Recognize that you’re on the same team: if he wins, you win. And the converse is true.

5. Don’t be Jealous.

Jealousy can be many things. Psychologists assert that jealousy is a way men and women react to exert control in a relationship.

It can also be a reaction to a perceived threat.

Getting control of your jealousy means getting control of your emotions — not your spouse.

The best way to counteract jealousy is to build trust in your relationship.

6. Don’t Always Insist on Your Way.

We’ve learned to ask the other, “How important is this to you?”
If on a scale of 1 to 10, it’s a “9” for him and a “2” for me, I’m going to defer to him and vice versa.

Since we don’t always share “importance values,” we can easily defer to the other once we understand the greater importance to them.

7. Don’t Suppress Individualism.

Each one of us has individual gifts, pursuits, and talents.

Within the context of a healthy marriage, each person needs to be free to pursue their dreams.

In a nutshell, don’t be a “wet blanket” to your spouse’s aspirations.

Instead, encourage them in their reasonable pursuits that honor God.

8. Don’t Take each other for Granted.

We lead busy lives. My guess is you do too.

To ensure we don’t take each other for granted, we’ve implemented some daily and weekly rituals that stoke our affection and appreciation for each other.

During the weekdays, I get up early to pray, read my Bible, read other books, and work on my blog.

Although he doesn’t have to, Rick gets up within a few minutes of me (and sometimes earlier) and makes coffee so that we can spend time together as well.

Every other week, we have a “date night” at a restaurant where we relax, talk about our goals and dreams, and just bond as a couple.

These two intentional “rituals” serve to cement our relationship, keep us grounded, and in love.

9. Don’t Embarrass Your Spouse.

There are probably few things more devastating to a man than to have his wife embarrass him in public.

Don’t ever intentionally do it. Not for a laugh —not to get even — not for any reason.

If unintentional, then apologize. And vow never to do it again.

Ditto for the man.

10. Don’t Bash Your Spouse.

When the negative barbs fly, everyone in hearing distance wants to run for cover.

Sadly, this type of behavior often says more about the character of the person lobbing the verbal tear-downs, than the person on the receiving end.

This is true even when the daggers are thrown under the guise of “humor.”

As Christians, we need to edify our spouses and give positive affirmation.

Or, if none can be given, choose to be quiet instead.

11. Don’t Overextend the Bank Account.

Even if money is abundant, not practicing good economics can eventually land you in financial trouble. Early in our marriage, Rick and I established an agreed upon spending limit that was very conservative.

This “cap” helped us to appreciate our budget limitations and also helped us make progress toward achieving future financial goals.

12. Don’t Go to Bed Angry.

The Bible tells us:

“In your anger, do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

— Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)*

Why? Because angry thoughts can become ugly actions.

When anger is present, it signals a need for a couple to talk.

Make it right between the two of you before going to sleep.

Remember, it’s okay to get angry for righteous reasons.

But it’s not okay to let anger consume you.

Do you have other examples of “Don’t Do’s” you would like to share?

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In the next post, we’ll cover the “12 Top Tips of ‘Do’s’ that Will Help Your Marriage Flourish”

Aging Gracefully in a Youth-Obsessed World

October 21, 2017 By Angie Arms McGill

Did you know the world’s older population is growing at an unprecedented rate?

And some day you, too, will be included in that number?

Getting Older

aging, aging gracefully At 56-years-of-age, I can personally acknowledge that aging gracefully in a youth-obsessed world can be a little daunting.

We’re bombarded daily through the various communication venues with advertisements on everything from hair dyes to cover the gray — to Botox to minimize the wrinkles — to elective cosmetic surgery to whittle down our waistlines.

The list goes on and on…ad nauseam.

The Bible tells us that gray hair is something to be cherished, not something to be hidden or to be ashamed.

“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.”

— Proverbs 16:31 (NIV)*

However, by our culture’s standards, it seems we must do anything we can to remain forever young.

But is this how God wants us to spend our time?

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…”

— Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

In this verse, Solomon is reminding us that there is a “season” for everything.

In the different seasons of life, God values us as His people. He also tells us in His word that He does not look on the outward appearance, but the heart (1 Samuel 16:7, NIV).

While it’s positive to take care of our bodies to serve God to our fullest capacity, the key is balance.

It’s important that we not overemphasize the superficial and neglect our spiritual lives.

Our present bodies are not intended to last forever, but while we may have to curtail certain activities as we age, we can still lead satisfying and fruitful lives.

Scripture states, “They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and green” (Psalm 92:14, NIV).

Valued as a Person

I grew up in a time where grandparents sometimes lived in the home as part of the extended family. That’s not a popular option these days, but as a kid growing up, it was more the norm.

Before “Grandpa” moved in with us, I remember my mother instructing my five siblings and me that we would have to keep the noise level down so as not to disturb him.

The first day Grandpa moved in, we all laughed when we heard opera music coming from the radio in his room that was so loud the walls seemed to vibrate.

Grandpa’s zest for life was infectious. And he had this uncanny ability to make work seem like fun.

Whether it was picking up rocks from a potential garden spot, picking beans, or tinkering on his red corvair, he was always upbeat and positive.

Grandpa was also a deeply religious man, a devout Christian, and He had tremendous wisdom.

His value as a person and as a grandfather was demonstrated daily through his love for God, love for others, zeal for learning, and sharing of wisdom on a daily basis with his grandchildren.

“Is not wisdom found among the aged?
Does not long life bring understanding?”

— Job 12:12 (NIV)

Growing Wiser with Age

Mature christians can still produce spiritual fruit. The passage of time provides us with many life lessons and experiences of personal growth.

It is through these experiences that we can impart the wisdom of God’s eternal presence and power to our children, grandchildren, and friends.

Examples include life’s lessons and experiences on love, relationships, marriage, raising children, business, and the importance of financial planning.

Navigating the Later Years with Grace

Growing older does come with the stark reality of our mortality. However, we have this assurance from God:

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

— Isaiah 46:4 (NIV)

In the article, “Growing Old Gracefully,” by Graemme Marshall, he states:

“It is important to keep a positive, even humorous, perspective on aging, because God designed our bodies to age. It’s not the act of a vengeful God, but of a loving God. And God wants us to continue to bear fruit.“

Sharing with the next generation our knowledge, wisdom, and perspective is important as we age.

Young people willing to listen may discover the collective wisdom of their aging relatives much more wise than the conventional wisdom espoused by culture.

In fact, their roadmap to true happiness may depend on it.

And choosing to listen to their elders?

It shows wisdom beyond their years.

When the Best-Laid Plans Go Awry and Being Grateful Anyway

October 17, 2017 By Angie Arms McGill

“Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.”

Ever heard those words before or perhaps even said them yourself?

Often, we say these words or something similar in an awkward attempt to be helpful, console, or to comfort.

Pause reading this just a moment and say these words out loud:

“Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.”

Best-Laid Plans of Mice and Men

We just spoke our collective understanding that we are not in control. Much as we’d like to be, we aren’t.

Here’s the real kicker: thank God we are not! We’d really make a mess of it if we were.

And that’s regardless of what “it” is.

Recently, we discovered when at least one best-laid plan went awry, being grateful anyway helps.

A couple of weeks ago, following my typical morning routine, I went out to feed the dogs breakfast.

On this particular morning, Xena immediately begged for a belly rub, so I sat down by her to oblige.

I will admit, unabashedly, that when I massage the dogs, I talk to them like they’re babies.

For Xena, the more demanding one, I tell her “what a good girl she is,” and how “she’s the prettiest princess in the world.”

You get the idea.

For Xena, the belly rub is like a foot massage for most of us girls.

She lays her head back, closes her eyes, and makes this silly grin where her canines (the sharp, pointy ones) stick out over her lips.

She looks hilarious.

A Plan Goes Awry

In the midst of all this bliss, I felt something strange on her lower abdomen. Thinking at first it was a clump of matted hair, I investigated further.

I was taken aback by what I saw and felt. It was a large lump — over an inch in size.

I swallowed hard. I started to worry.

Without going into too much detail, an anxious moment turned to worry and then to guilt…the “shoulda, coulda, wouldas.”

I was kicking myself for not finding it sooner. This lump was large.

How could I have missed it?

Was Xena going to be OK?

Were our hopes of having puppies dashed? (In a previous post, I briefly discussed our desire to have a litter of puppies from Zeus and Xena).

After consulting with our veterinarian, she recommended having the lump biopsied.

After much soul-searching, we decided to have Xena spayed at the same time the lump was removed.

The surgery was scheduled for early the next week.

In the meantime, I expressed my concern to Rick over Xena’s health: the possibility of cancer. I also expressed my sadness over not having a litter of puppies from Zeus and Xena.

To which my husband said, “Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.”

Sound familiar?

It was what he said next, though, that meant the most.

“Regardless of the outcome, Xena is loved. She knows she’s loved.”

He even quoted Tennyson:

loved, Balmofgilead

He was right of course.

Regardless of what the outcome might have been, we would always be grateful to have loved Xena.

Approximately one week later, the laboratory results came back. The lump was “benign.”

We were very grateful a second time.

The veterinarian also told us that we had made an appropriate decision since this type of tumor is usually hormonal in nature. Spaying helps prevent reocurrence.

Xena Recuperating

Loyal Companions for Life

Our Great pyrs are loving and loyal companions that we hope to have for many years to come.

We are also open in the future to the possibility of adding foster Great pyrs to our family.

We realize, though, that even with the best-laid plans, we are not in control.

Thankfully, regardless of circumstances, our God is.